A gift from Heaven

Elyza was born 9 months after I lost my 7 year old son Trystan to Kawasaki disease. Two days before Trystan passed away he told me I was pregnant, and he was right. How did he know?

Elyza growing in me gave me the courage and will to live after I lost my dear son with who I spent 5 years together - only him and I as a divorced single mother. We had wonderful years in Nottingham and Jakarta together, we were everything to each other. And then unexpectedly I lost him my precious little boy ... I lost myself, my heart was broken, I had an emptiness in me ... Yet, I could feel this new life growing in me ... Elyza saved me, she gave me the strength to go on.

I have heard positive comments of people saying that special needs children come to those:

• who were deemed worthy and capable of looking after those special beings.

• who have the will, energy and courage to face adversity to advocate, care and love those special souls.

• who have known pain and have survived, and come back stronger than ever to carry those special children in their life journey.

• who have a special heart were blessed to welcome and love a very special being.

But, I have also heard comments that I have to admit have made me question myself ... are they right or are they bad, negative, and mean comments... as people would point the fingers at me as per why my child is different, and does not fit in the category of those known as 'normal':

• I am being tested to see if I am able to overcome this challenge.

• It is Karma for all the wrong and bad I have done in the past or past lives.

• I must have done something wrong during my pregnancy.

• My pain of losing my son affected my pregnancy and made Elyza different.

Whatever the reason, whatever others think, I know that Elyza came after Trystan made a wish upon a star. I remember the smile on Trystan's face as he touched my tummy and told me I was pregnant. I know that Trystan wherever he is now is happy and proud of his little sister. Maybe they have met before Elyza was born? Maybe Elyza seeing the world in a different angle feels Trystan even if he is no more with us?

In any case, personally Elyza being different, I do not see it as a burden despite the overwhelming daily challenges or what others say, but rather as a gift from heaven...